john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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