the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
