it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
