U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I cut my penus on the lid.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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