she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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