I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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