It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
