Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
