forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
