marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
