i wish there were pregnant emoticons
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
