I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Sorry about my life...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
