i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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