I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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