What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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