i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
