Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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