It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
