I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
