I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
