My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
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