hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
