apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
How's work?
Spinning.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
