The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
