you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
