Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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