while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
