I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
