I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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