so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
