a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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