If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
