i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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