she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
