Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
