i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
