Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
