Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
