I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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