I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
