I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
