he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
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Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
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Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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