I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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