And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
