I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
