Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
