Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Boobs speak an international language.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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