Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
