Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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