apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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