at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
...so i touched it.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
