How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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