piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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