When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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