Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize