Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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