Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
