You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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