I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
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i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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