Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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