I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
