time to smoke my breakfast
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
