Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
