Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
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For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
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Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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