bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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