She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
